hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
