I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize