Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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