Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am one with the molecules
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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