"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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