I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
