"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
