Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
