i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
