I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
