my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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