he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
high people should be assigned attendants
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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