I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
