I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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