I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize