...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
