Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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