I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
