If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
worst night to have a conscience
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is my gift to your gina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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