I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
