If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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