Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
