In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
