her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
