there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
