She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Green mimosas i think yes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
