soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
