I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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