if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
