dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
