apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
