I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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