Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
