Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
