I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
