remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this will be a night to untag.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
