Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
