It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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