U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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