My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
