After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
