at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
