In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize