I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i came on her dog
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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