It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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