just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
