help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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