dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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