Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
