I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
