I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
