but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
