I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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