Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
