I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
