dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and she was petting her beer can
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
