just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
