Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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