i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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