I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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