The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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