you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
