I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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