Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
