So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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