I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
