Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
