Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
