Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
