I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cat gives me a boner
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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