My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
