YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
