I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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